When I was 12, my dad took me out hunting. It was supposed to be a big milestone for me and a bonding experience with him. He brought along my grandfather’s gun, we dressed in camouflage, and drove out in the pickup truck. We were completely unsuccessful. My father had never killed anything and neither of us really had any idea how to track an animal. We pretty much walked around whispering, hoping a big buck would walk out in front of us and pose for a bullet. We called it quits early and went back to the truck where my dad let me have a beer. It tasted disgusting, but is one of my fondest memories.

I have had lots of beer in the years since then, but I still have never shot anything. The only thing I have any interest in hunting is pussy.

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